Full of Christmas...

There's a little tab in Blogger labeled "Stats".  It's a fascinating button and gives all sorts of anonymous info on who's reading the blog, and when, and where (very roughly speaking - I don't have your address - well, yes, I have your's, but that's because I'm related to you, but I don't have your's, because I'm not...).  Anyway, it does show that my Wife is no longer the only person who reads the blog, and it also shows that the blog is surprisingly popular in Poland and Russia.  It can also show where the hits from the blog are coming from, and while most of them make sense (A Google search for things related to uDraw will often get you here eventually) some of them don't.  One of them is a renovation contractor in Russia (I had to use Google's translator to find that out, and the other is a porn site.  I've been to both (hey, I'm no prude, I just want to know why I'm linked to from a porn site) and can't find any logical reason why they'd be leading back to me.  It's very odd, but I shan't complain; a hit is a hit no matter where it comes from :).  Anyway, this is all beside the point!  I just wanted to get it off my chest that I find this fascinating (Especially since my only commenter's are all people I know personally).  Back on topic!

Shortly after December began I decided I should do Wintery/Christmasy speed paints.  Somewhere along the line these ceased to be particularly fast, so they ceased being speed paints and became Christmas-Paints instead.  Some of them worked out reasonably well, others were dreadful, as you shall see momentarily.

Time Taken - 55 Minutes

Some explanation is going to be needed for some of these images (Like, for those in Russia, or Poland, or even the US).  This is a verrrrrry bad portrait of Noddy Holder, lead singer and guitarist of the band Slade.  The photo it's based on was taken in 1973, which puts it around the time their Christmas hit Merry Xmas Everybody was first released.  If you've never heard it go look it up - it's my favourite ever Christmas song.  If you're in the UK and you've never heard it you must be dead, because you can't escape it during December.
Oddly, shortly after I painted this I heard the song playing at our local County Market - it's th efirst time I've ever heard it in the US...  Weird.

Time Taken - 65 Minutes

"Now I have a machine gun.  Ho-ho-ho."  Yes, it's Bruce Willis as John McClane in the original Die Hard.  Sorry guys and girls, Die Hard is a Christmas movie, even though there's no snow and it's full of blood and bullets and Bruce.  It's basically awesome!  It was a coin toss between a picture from this or one from Lethal Weapon (another classic Christmas movie), but I figured Die Hard was just a tiny bit more iconic.

When my Brother saw this picture he asked why I'd painted him wearing a false beard (Take another look, once you see it you can't unsee it - sorry), but you know what - it's right there in the original photograph: Go take a look!  "Welcome to the party pal!"

Time Taken - 105 Minutes

This one took a while, it's quite detailed; I'm not sure it was worth the time. Anyway, this is going to need some explanation again for those who are not British.
This is a "Principal Boy" from a pantomime (Dick Whittington from the look of it). Yes, I said boy, even though she's clearly a girl - This is a tradition; for the leading lady to play the traditionally leading man's part (not THAT part! Got in on the brain you have). Good legs are vital in a Principal Boy. To redress the balance they usually have some older man playing an old woman. Pantomimes are plays for kids based on classic tales (A bit like Disney does), with a streak of subtle jokes for the adults lurking beneath the surface (like Pixar does, but ruder). I've not seen one in years, but when they're good they're very, very good (Oh no they aren't! etc).

Time Taken - 35 Minutes

I realized, after the last one, that these were now taking too long.  This one was an effort to get back to the "speed" part of speed painting.  It's a European Robin, which is completely different to an American one, but also has a Red breast. The first time I saw an American one I finally knew why Batman's chum would be called such - I always thought it was too cute a name for a superhero previously because European Robin's are adorable.  The American one looks like it'd have your eye out in a second.

Time Taken - 35 Minutes

This is my favourite of all the "Christmas Paints"  It's a Reindeer obviously (Or maybe a Caribou if you're American, Yes?  They're still Santa's Reindeer though aren't they?  Not sure I fully understand the distinction).
Anyway, that's all I have to say about this one, except I saw my first live Reindeer on Christmas Eve (It wasn't flying, it was on a farm).  I was struck by how much smaller they were than I expected, but at the same time how much more powerful they seemed.

Time Taken - 25 Minutes

It snowed quite heavily in my home town this year (So I'm reliably told; I wasn't there - it snowed here too, but it's not unusual here). My friend Owain got this photo of him and his wife (I think) walking along a snow covered beach, and I was struck by how it was so bleak yet so beautiful at the same time. I tried to capture that, and sort of failed (I painted his wife to small too, at least I think it's his wife - hard to tell with those winter clothes). I did try some different media in this one though, including the roller and watercolour for the figures and background, some pen on the figures, and then chalk and my simulated spatter airbrush for the snow.

Time Taken - 60 Minutes

Like the Noddy Holder pic at the top this was going quite well right up until I needed to paint the face, and then I rushed it and made a right mess. This is of course Dan Aykroyd in Trading Places, which, if you've never seen it, is one of the funniest Christmas films ever made in my opinion, plus it has Jamie Lee Curtis in it, and she shows her boobs (This is a big deal when you're 13, which I was when I first saw it). It has lots of swearing too. I like Scrooged as well, and as with Die Hard and Lethal Weapon it was a toss-up as to which to paint, but once I found Aykroyd in his filthy Santa suit my mind was made up.

Time Taken - 70 Minutes

Growing up in the UK one of the perks of Christmas was being allowed to stay up late and watch The Two Ronnies Christmas Special.  The Two Ronnies used to be the sort of double act that turned up a lot on British TV back in the day.  Some were good (Morecambe and Wise) and some were... less good (Little and Large - Who were still, at the very least, amusing).  The Two Ronnies were the creme de la creme of these, at least they were when I was 10, and they've continued to be funny in the 26 years since.  They stopped making new ones in 1987, although they recorded some retrospective specials in 2005 shortly before Ronnie Barker's death.  The other Ronnie; Ronnie Corbett I didn't think was as funny when I was a kid, but he seems to get funnier as I get older.  This year he's doing a one off called The One Ronnie (you may have seen this clip from it already), and I'm sad I can't see it due to being in the wrong country - I'll catch up to it later I'm sure.

With regards to the painting, Barker is well rendered but not a good likeness, and Corbet is a good (if comic) likeness but badly rendered.  Put them together and there's a decent painting of a Ronnie in there somewhere.

Time Taken - 30 Minutes

The less said about this one the better I think. It's so bad I haven't even posted it on Facebook as I do with most of my pieces, so it's appearing here first. Yes, she looks like a drag queen. This would be fine, I have nothing against Drag Queens (Fnarr-fnarr), but she wasn't supposed to look like one. Sometimes you just lose your mojo - I think it took a flight to Bermuda while I was trying to paint this one. Ah well... I liked the idea, and the reference, so I might try again at some point, even though Christmas is now behind us.

And that ends this exceedingly long post. I hope you had a Happy Christmas (or whatever it is you celibate at this time of year) and I'll try to post more stuff soon for all my porn loving Russian contracting fans out there ;)